Tonight, because of some insanely unknown whim, I decided not to play the Sims 3 Pets and instead I put my pencil to paper again. Real paper. Not just Photoshop virtual paper. And I listened to Loreena McKennit. Literally I was transported back to my purple bedroom on Nickview Dr. in Ohio where I spent hours on endless hours drawing horses in every which way possible. I sketched them, outlined them, traced them, drew them from memory, painted them…I was always in some sort of horse-haven-daydream – and it was glorious!

All of that was back in the days when I wasn’t concerned with life. All I cared about was making my art look pretty and I guess I still care about that, in some fundamental way. I miss those times of pure, un-judged creativity. I could draw a million horses and no one would care! No one would say, “you draw horses too much”. Nope, I was free to create WHATEVER I wanted. I drew maps of made-up worlds, I wrote a dumb novel that no one should ever read, and I painted horse eyes on big ass canvases. I will strive to do this again! Paint horse eyes on big ass canvases. But in the meantime – I have some small bristol and some nifty little black art pens. Using pens is hard. Harder than drawing on the computer but yet…also much easier in some ways AND much more freeing (oh ho ho corny corny me) but really, it’s freeing. I can see that the physical pen in my hand is making a physical line that is a creation of the motion of my arm/fingers/body. Yes yes, the wacom tablet requires movement of my limbs as well – but it’s not the same. I can hit apple Z in Photoshop and all of my mistakes are undone, but with ink and paper – well hell, I’m screwed – or my favorite part of being an artist – take the mistake and make it work.

I guess my whole point of this post is – it feels good to use paper again. It even feels dangerous. There’s no easy escape from mistakes and carelessness like there is on the computer. There is a commitment to decisions and there is this thrill of creating something beautiful – something to touch instead of save as jpg. This is nice. I’m rusty though – I think I was better at drawing as a 16 year old, but this will change. I have my paints, some old canvases, my bristol – whatever. I will be drawing more – IRL.

Here is the horse I just drew tonight – a horse yes, and sadly, I forget how to draw horses! I used to be around them all the time – riding, cleaning, feeding them…but that is no more and that makes me terribly sad. Drawing them doesn’t come so naturally anymore, but I’m sure, with some practice, I will get better. I want to come up with pieces for some sort of show or exhibition at a little coffee shop or something. My choice subject would either be food, pretty girls, or horses…I’m thinking I love horses so much and I could really come up with something neat to do with their magnificentness! So, there’s a goal. You heard it!

By the way – I would have colored this if I had time!